guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
