it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
