I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
