he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
