I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
