You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
