he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
