??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
