I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
