dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
