the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
