a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
