Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
