worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
