Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
