I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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