But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
