Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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