i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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