she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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