She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
