cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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