Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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