Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
