I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well you can't waste a boner
please come you make the beer taste better
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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