I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
