My nipple is on Facebook.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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