you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
