cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
