Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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