he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
