he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
