mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
