Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
