He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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