Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
