Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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