And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
