I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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