Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
