hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
