I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
