Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
