There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
