I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
