This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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