I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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