She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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