They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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