stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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