Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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