its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
