her vagine was all disorganized.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
