Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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