I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
